Poker Horror Stories Reddit
23 Jun
(Photo: Fortune.com)
Poker players are well-known for being a little crazy. Most people think it is just money they are crazy with but I think we will all admit the lifestyle and stories are outstanding. I have been entertaining myself reading some of the funniest poker stories posted online and remembering some of my own experiences. I trust and I hope that these stories are honest and I think they are. I just hope I do them justice because there is limited space.
Here are my favorite funny poker stories. The last one is my own, which happened to me some years ago and was so funny I’ve never forgotten it and I am sure I never will.
Youwager Poker Horror Stories Subscribe Subscribe Unsubscribe. Participants: Views: 3083. Not a big poker player, but I have played a few thousand hands over the years. I figured that I would. Here's something to chill to after the Area 51 raid. I hope you've all got your aliens to listen with you. CREEPYPASTA STORIES- 0:00 'My girlfriend started. 18 Crazy Blow Job Horror Stories From Twentysomething Women. BRB, cringing forever. Mar 23, 2016 Getty Images. 'Every blow job is a horror. I hate giving them.'
For FedEx Sake!
This one is funny to me and I laughed when I read it. It is a bit of the butterfly effect, and when you ponder it, you will find your mind realizing how crazy life can be. Here goes. In 1973, FedEx was not the multi-billion dollar company it is today. It was in deep trouble, and the company was down to its final $5,000 in the bank with a $24,000 fuel bill staring owner Fred Smith in the face. Fred decided to go down in style, heading to Vegas with his final $5,000 and gambling it (as you do!). He hit a timely run of cards, turning $5,000 into $27,000 and saving the company. Over 40 years later, FedEx has grown into the huge company it is today, giving Fred a personal net worth of over $2 billion. Just think about that for a moment! I wonder if he tipped the dealer that night?
Know Your Left From Your Right
In a small buy-in tournament in the USA, a young man was holding a short stack and staring elimination in the face. He had his hole cards in one hand and his few remaining chips in the other. He looks at his cards and stops to think for a moment and then throws his chips into the middle announcing “fold” as he does so. The dealer says “But you threw your chips into the pot?” to which the player sits for a moment then swears. It transpires he had forgotten which hand his chips were in and meant to throw away his other hand (his hole cards) rather than his last few chips. Unfortunately the poker Gods did not spare him and he busted out of the tournament. At least it appears he would have made a good decision to fold before the bad decision to “muck” his chips!
Celebrate Wisely
This story is funny, but only because it didn’t happen to me! User Laez posted this on Reddit and it was so funny I actually laughed out loud, rather than just “internet laughing”, which for me is just to smile. Over to Laez.
“A friend of mine had been running pretty bad and was on his last $300 at 1/2. He runs it up to about $800. He's feeling lucky so he moves to 2/5 with $500 with $300 to retreat to 1/2 if it doesn't work out. . Shorty after getting a seat he finds himself with KK. He limp 3 bets. Gets 4 bet shoved on by another limper and the original raiser calls. He tanks forever. Says he knows one of them has AA. Calls anyway. Both have AA. He binks a K on the flop. Triples up.
He is super stoked. Decides to celebrate by going to his favorite hooker who lives in another state an hour away. So after celebrating his luck with this hooker she asks him for a ride to another motel. This next motel is a police sting. They arrest him. Then he finds out that the hooker told them that he was her pimp. She said that he beats her, takes her money and that he is the one that posts the ads on Craigslist. They charge him with dozens of charges and tell him he could get 15 years in prison. He uses his phone call to call the poker room. We go bail him out the next day. When he comes out he says thanks but nothing else. Obviously didn't sleep that night. It's quiet in the car for like 15 minutes. And then out of nowhere he says. 'I should have folded those Kings.';
Tremendous. He should definitely have folded those kings but the true humor in this story is that he is blissfully unaware of the odd activities he undertook that led to him being arrested. I hope the hooker in question is no longer his favorite, I’m not sure she deserves it anymore.
Never Teach People to Play Poker
This story happened to me and is 100% true. My friend knew of my interest in poker and had railed me one evening when I had done quite well in a low stakes MTT and had won $50. He thought this was fantastic and said he had always fancied learning to play poker and begged me to teach him. I eventually agreed and as I have a set of chips and cards we set about playing one evening. After a painful hour or two teaching him the rules he still didn’t seem to get it so we began to play a little heads up with a view of learning as we encountered different spots. It was not difficult to beat him at first as he called everything and if I had a hand I was usually ahead.
Then suddenly we got to the flop and he raises instead of calling. “You’re raising?” I said, impressed he remembered how to do it. “Yes.” he said, looking rather excited. “We need to work on your poker face.” I said. We got to showdown. I had two pair and pure morbid curiosity had gotten me this far as he had bet every street. I showed my two pair. “Can you beat this?” I asked? “Yes.” He said, turning over his cards. “A red flush.” “A what?” I said. “A red flush.” He said, like I was the fool. And there it was. Three hearts and two diamonds. “Nice hand.” I said. He looked so happy I couldn’t break it to him, but we have a laugh about it now. He turned out to be a pretty good poker player once he got to grips with the game. Don’t forget, we all start somewhere!
Updated September 04, 2017 16:45:46
I'm a gambling addict. Three years ago, I was convicted of white collar fraud, after I stole over $130,000 from my employer to fuel an insatiable addiction.
My poison of choice was not poker machines, but online gambling.
Racing, the thoroughbreds, the trots, the dogs — I wasn't fussy, so long as I could get a bet on and fuel that addiction.
The bets would range anywhere between $5,000 and $20,000 a day. I would bet until 3:00am, try to sleep for three hours and bet again for another three hours on online racing in the United States.
I always thought the stereotypical gambling addict was a working-class middle-aged man or woman, sitting at their local club, feeding their favourite pokies machine four or five nights a week.
But I rarely ventured into the local TAB.
Betting while the kids were in the bath
At the zenith of my addiction, I was married with two beautiful young children and working as a finance manager at a local council.
When I was with my family, I was physically there — but mentally, I was miles away, thinking about gambling: when I could next bet, where would the money come from, whether I could back a winner.
I thought about gambling 24/7. I placed bets at home, at work, the shops — basically everywhere and anywhere I could get reception on my phone.
I would be walking with the kids and our dog, yet I'd still be trying to place bets. I would even bet and watch the races on the phone while the kids were in the bath.
A knock at the door
I had been thinking about stealing to solve some of my debt problems for months, but I couldn't do it because I knew the consequences would be dire.
Then one evening, I had a visit from two large men with a baseball bat, strongly suggesting it would be in my best interests to repay a sizable debt that was due that week.
They punched me and threatened to use the baseball bat 'next time'.
I was left bruised and battered from their warning. It was a seriously scary moment; I still occasionally have flashbacks and it sends chills through my body.
That night, I made the decision to steal from work. I felt physically sick and fidgety; my mind wouldn't stop racing. I knew it was wrong, but I did it — knowing I could one day get caught.
The first time is without a doubt the hardest — but once you've done it, stealing becomes easier.
Listen to the program
Earshot meets Leigh, an online gambling addict.
I had nothing to lose. That's how I 'reasoned' it.
However, stealing became another problem to add to my list.
I was constantly worried about being caught. When someone knocked on my office door, when I got a phone call, when my boss called me to a meeting, I was never quite sure.
The fear was slowly killing me, but I couldn't confess, couldn't turn back. I was on a knife-edge with no solution, no way out.
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It was a Monday morning when I was finally caught. I was called into the CEO's office and they presented me with the overwhelming evidence.
I was caught red-handed, but I still denied it. I knew my career was over and that jail was not far away.
But at that stage, I had a small sense of relief. No more looking over my back. The lying and deceitfulness could stop.
On the inside
When I was caught and sentenced to jail, the gambling addicts I met in the prison system had similar stories to mine. They were middle-aged, smart, well-educated men from good upbringings, all addicts to racing and not the pokies — certainly not the stereotypical gambling addicts I had imagined.
My addiction cost me everything. I lost my job, all my material possessions including house, car, everything I owned.
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But that pales into insignificance to the lost relationships.
Need help or support?
If gambling is affecting your health and you are feeling anxious or depressed, or if gambling is negatively impacting on your relationships, help and support are available.- Call Lifeline on 13 11 14
My marriage disintegrated, I lost access to my children, I don't talk to my family and I'm no longer on speaking terms with most of my friends. I don't blame them.
During my year in jail, I had enough time to reflect on all the damage it had caused and when I was to be released I knew I couldn't go back to that lifestyle.
You get far too much time to reflect in jail. I was constantly thinking about the kids, but I didn't decide to quit gambling because of them. The constant stress and 24/7 of thinking about gambling had destroyed me: physically, emotionally, and financially.
I knew if I didn't stop gambling it would kill me.
Get help before it's too late
I write this not because I find it a cathartic experience, but because I hope that it helps others to seek help before it's too late. Or for family and friends of addicts to intervene and offer support.
For people 'on the edge' or thinking about committing fraud, the solution is simple: get help.
Seek support before you hit rock bottom. The help that suited me the most was from my psychologist, one-on-one extended chats — but for others it may be Gamblers Anonymous.
For the family and friends of addicts: please don't give up on them, it's a horrendous disease and they need all the support you can give.
Life in 2017 is certainly not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it has been.
I've got regular access to my children, I'm rebuilding lost relationships, I've found some temporary work — and I haven't had a bet since 2014.
Topics:gambling, internet-culture, family-and-children, fraud-and-corporate-crime, law-crime-and-justice, australia
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First posted September 04, 2017 12:14:41